And now on to the Good Stuffs... :)

After gushing about all my fears and worries from my last post, it's time I start enumerating all the little wonderful things which has happened the past few weeks..

 

 

1) I heard baby's first KICKS! Oh my God, I went to the doctor for a checkup about two weeks back and she put on the Doppler and we heard baby's usual fast heartbeats (which is as always music to my ears), then there was a big fuzzy noise and my OB said baby was KICKING! She was a bit surprised, and I was speechless! He or she was probably sooooo excited to showoff to emotional Mommy that it felt like proving me wrong! As expected I started welling up again at the clinic, it was embarrassing LoL.. :)  I think it's becoming a habit now hahaha :P But it was a truly indescribable moment for me, I just wish honey was there to savor it with me..

 

 

2) Honey's back home! Yup, last March 14th (more than a week ago) he arrived back here in Dubai and we're finally complete again.. One happy family:  Me, him, and our little angel.. :)



welcome back Daddy! we missed you!



3) We found out that our OB Gyne in the nearby clinic makes referrals to Zulekha Hospital, which offers Direct Billing for my company.  This was just FABULOUS news since we are greatly considering giving birth here.  Just because I want my baby to stay with me longer (120 days at least, I'm selfish like that);  just imagining leaving him/her weeks after I give birth puts tears into my eyes.  Plus as I said the company I works for has some Medical Benefits with certain hospitals and it was really good news that the OB we want to stay with makes referrals to one of those hospitals (she can't deliver the baby since she only works at a clinic).  So thank God for that! One dilemma down! :)

 

 

4)  I have started doing some Cross-Stitching for our baby E.. It's not much, and I know it's not a momentous feat, but I still feel proud and am quite excited by it.. :D  I plan to have it framed and boast it to our baby when he/she is old enough hihi.. :D

5)  Got some fab Maternity clothes and tons of Anmum from my family at home.. It was so heartwarming and a bit disconcerting at the same time.  God, my life has really changed now! I can just imagine when baby comes out, for sure I won't even be in the Gift List anymore, hahahah! :P

maternity dresses from Mama and Ate, Anmum from everyone at home haha :P

 




fab fuschia dress from Ate :)



date day at DFC :)

So there you go... Those are the things right off the top of my head.. Will come back for more awesome news soon.. 

 

Love you baby!

 

 

Confessions...

So I know I haven't exactly been the most tedious blogger on this new adventure, but it's time I start fessing up..

Last night the clinic called me to confirm my Anomaly Scan two days from now, and after I hung up the phone I began to envision how it will be, and all I could think about was the time when I went through exactly the same thing with my first pregnancy.  It's going to be the same clinic, most possibly the same Ultrasound room, and (this part I'm dreading the most) may even be the same insensitive doctor who would perform the US with me.. And before I knew it I was crying.. It was crazy.. I was at work, and I suddenly had to run to the restroom coz the tears and short breaths were attacking me.. I felt SO SCARED and so heartbroken.. I started imagining the WORST things that can happen, and I just couldn't take it.  I literally felt like collapsing on the bathroom floor when I started to think of all the possible scenarios.  I was crying like a mad pregnant woman, and I called my husband and I had to croak out first that I'm ok because he could tell from my voice right away that I was not and I didn't want him dashing to the airport.  And then I started pouring out all my fears and worries to him and of course he was really upset that I felt that way.  You see he's VERY excited about everything concerning our baby.  He's not scared at all.  In fact, he looks forward to our trips to the doctor (or the clinic).  For him everything will definitely be fine.  He's not hunted by our first pregnancy like I am, or at least not as hunted as I am.  And understandably, he wants me to feel the same way...

 

That was when I realized how much Trauma I still have about our first loss.  Much as I try to keep my head up and put on a brave smile for everyone to see, my heart still bleeds for our first little angel.  I still have lots of questions why it had to happen, and I still have this constant dark fear in my heart that the same thing will happen to this little kiddo in me.  I honestly don't know how I'm gonna wipe it all out.  All I know is that the only fervent prayer I have for God is not even to wish for a boy or a girl, but for Him to keep our baby safe and healthy.  It's like all my energy is just focused on that wish, I don't even have the time to ask for anything else.  And I feel like asking for much more particular stuffs will be just too greedy.  It's a HUGE blessing in itself that I'm pregnant again, and I am forever grateful for this gift. 

 

I am so sorry my baby if Mommy gets scared most of the time.  Please do not be afraid like me.  Please stay strong for Mommy and Daddy.  We love you so so much... I will try my best to stop feeling all this negativity, and will do everything in my power to keep you safe.   Just stay with us. 

First Time You Waved, and More!

05 March 2013

 

 

Wow it's been almost 3 weeks since my last post; I don't know if twas on purpose or I was just plain busy (and lazy!) the past few days... :)

Anyway, A LOT has happened. Aside from celebrating Daddy E's birthday last February 24th (YAYYY!), I also had to go back to Dubai last February 26th.. Unfortunately I had to go ahead of honey coz of some visa issues.. It was really too emotional for me (hello again hormones!) and I was crying on a practical daily basis, at anytime and anywhere! I didn't wanna go back alone (with baby of course) coz I was gonna miss my honey so much, and of course the selfish side of me was miserable thinking how was I going to work and fend for myself at my present condition??! I was sad and scared at the same time.. It was a horrible combination, especially for an emotional wreck of  a pregnant woman that I currently am.. :(

 

Well to give a little light on this blog we did get to see our precious little angel again last February 23rd via Ultrasound and he/she was waving his/her little hands! Wow it was really unbelievable.. Honey said baby was saying hi to him LoL.. And you could make out his/her cute little form now, it was just so surreal! Papa (hon's dad) said "Karatista" daw si baby coz you really could see the arms and hands.. :) It was soooo endearing.. Wish I can post the sonogram soon! Gotta find a decent scanner!

And so I got back on duty at the airport the next day after my flight which was Feb 27th, and from the time I came back thankfully I have been allocated at the Express Check In which meant I didn't have to worry about tagging the passenger's bags.. This was less burden for me and I was really grateful.  Plus during my restday I was able to fix honey's documents for coming back here (hopefully soon) and get my maternity uniform which was a KICK! :D I was just soooo excited coz I have been waiting a LONG time to wear that uniform LoL... I really love it :)

full-length.. but this was just borrowed haha :P

feelin' pretty c mommy ;)

 

The most important part of updates I got is that today I finally decided to brave my fears and went back to the nearest clinic here in our place just so I could finally check if baby is ok after my flight.  It was the same clinic where I had that tragic experience two years back, but I tried my luck since I plan to scout properly only when honey gets back.  For now my priority was to check on our baby asap.  Good thing somebody told me there's a Filipina OB Gyne in that clinic now and so I scheduled an appointment with her this afternoon.  Scared little Yais had to ask a good friend to come with me coz I really didn't wanna go on checkups alone..

You know how sometimes God truly works His way through you?? That was how I felt this evening during my first meeting with that OB Gyne.. It was a total surprise and I couldn't believe it that she was actually trained by my OB Gyne in the Phlippines! It's really a small world! Plus she graduated from UP too which makes me more comfortable with her.. And lastly, she was super nice!

Let's see what will happen, coz I still don't know if I'm gonna stay with her or transfer to a hospital.  You see there's a chance I might give birth here, depending on honey's work status, and I really love the idea that I'll be able to spend longer time with baby even after I give birth..

 

Whatever happens I know God is working His best for us... :)